The closer we get to the anniversary, the more panicky I feel, and I can't even explain why. Reality has hit me daddy, that we are only here for a short time and then, puff, we are gone. I don't believe we have the luxury of an afterlife, I believe there is nothing. I don't know whether this helps me or not. I think I have stopped sitting around waiting for a sign. I find comfort knowing you feel no pain. But blimey dad, I miss you. I miss you so much. John and I achieved the half marathon to support the RNLI for you. Another £80. I am kind of having to keep as busy as possible, because I am afraid of falling apart if I don't. Can you cry forever? I love you. I love you. I miss your cuddles. Xxxxx